Clamming Up

So, longtime no post... is what I'd say to me if I was following my blogs. Its been a month of struggle against accepting what is. I want things to be different. One word I'd not use for myself is "content" right now. I'm not. I thought I'd have been with my beloved months ago and still, I'm not. I thought money would no longer be a haunting problem but yet, it is. Contentment...no. However, Faith, I'm doing better with, usually. There are good days, and bad days. What is my Faith?? Its in knowing that all will be provided. That when I can't see the reason for what is happening today, its knowing that a greater reason IS there and when I'm ready to see it, I will. The answers are always there, always, I know that. I have seen that proven enough times to not need more proof, only to go to Faith. I know if I hold a ball and drop it, it will fall to the ground, I don't have to drop it to know that. With that same knowing, I know the answer is there, when I am ready, I see it. I have gratitude for that, tremendous gratitude.

Panic and Calm

You've been commissioned to paint the Sistine Chapel!!! What do you do, where do you start??? Do you go look at your paints, brushes and other tools to see if you have what you need?? Do you practice painting on other things, to make sure your skills are at their best? Do you go and study other church paintings, to see what may be expected of you??? I suppose, you do a blend of all these things. How do you stop yourself from panicking though? A long pause. I was typing away, I get to that question, and I stop, there is a long pause. When I don't know an answer, or when my brain doesn't know it, I have learned there is a way to find that answer, a place where it is sitting, waiting for me. The Silence. I've not been very silent lately, I've been so many other places with my mind, but I've not quieted it much lately and allowed myself to listen. Listen, my soul cries out to me, be silent and listen. Allow the answers to bubble up, ease the pressure so they float to the surface. The answers don't come by forcing them, they come by gentle allowing. Be still and allow.

Feelings

Ups and downs, ups and downs!!! I've been letting myself ride a elevator far too much lately. OK, certainly, things that happen around us are going to effect us, trigger those emotions, but how do we allow that to happen without being controlled by those fickle things??? We get good news, we're happy, we get bad news, we're miserable??? What is this all about? Each Sunday I affirm that I believe there is ONE Power, One Presence in me, and in the Universe, God, The Good, Omnipotant. Now, I say this because I truly believe it. If Good is Power for that is what I'm saying and there is one Power, why am I not always feeling Good, and its Power? Sigh, its simple, my silly little brain has this ability to tell me that whatever I'm feeling, is what is real, and time and time again, I believe it. What my brain thinks/feels, I listen to and make my reality. So, what is the solution? Reminding myself, daily, frequently, sometimes a few times an hour of the Truth. There is One Power and One Presence, in Me, and in the Universe, God, The Good, Omnipotent. Now, how does THAT feel?

Review of the Day

Another day has passed, work was done, meals were eaten, conversations had and what is left? What was gained? What do we want out of a day? How do we judge if we had a "good" day or a "bad" day? I suppose in the end we judge it by those fickle things we call "emotions". Did it feel good to us? Did we have conversations that left us happy, satisfied?? How were our meals, did we enjoy them, we they well made? Our work, did it go well, did we get the emotional satisfaction we wanted from it? How about going not by what we felt about what happened to us, those external forces we have no control over... how about deciding by how loving we acted today. Did we treat others as we would like to be treated? Did we see someone do something that might annoy us easily, but instead allow for a difference without taking it personally? Did we have to do something on our job we don't like and instead of feeling "put upon" to do it, take the chore on with joy for the chance to help someone instead. Did we climb on a crowded bus with tired feet and instead of being upset there were no open seats, think how wonderful it was not to have to walk? Did we look or act or think lovingly today? When I think of a loving day I think that is the kind of a day worth having.

Real Eyes (God Glasses)

Some time ago, while reading a book by Eric Butterworth in a discussion group at my church, we discussed the word "realize". I believe it was suggested in his book that we look through "God glasses" or through "Real Eyes" to see what is truly in front of us. I had a chance to do just that recently. It has been my "story" that due to choices I have made in my life, that I had "lost" my family. Well, I came to understand that such was not the case, I had not lost them, I was not seeing them through "real eyes". I will say that as yet, there is no working relationship to those I wish most to have one with, but as of last night, I came to see, yes, I "real-eyezed" that I had not lost them all. I was blessed last night with one of those spectacular "God moments", or synchro-Divinity occurances. I was moved (OK, pushed maybe?) to attend an event I had, until this weekend, had no desire to attend. While there, I made my discovery, someone special from my family was there and we had a wonderful reunion. While a bit rocky at first, it turned around to be a very special time. To go from believing one is rejected and unwanted, to "seeing" that the Truth is that there is love and acceptance waiting, if one knows where to look, was a wonderful revelation.
Real Eyes, God Glasses... they are a wonderful blessing to use!! Thank you G, your acceptance, love and compassion meant the world to me, I'm filled with gratitude!!

Changes and Accepting Gifts

What is life but one big transition? Isn't it basically about change? Do things ever really stay the same and when they do, don't we start to feel a bit restless during those times of seemingly "sameness"? Well, I'm in the middle of much transition, out with the old, in with the new! I'm learning to let go of things so that my hands are open and ready to receive new blessings. To the many who have and are helping me during this time, my heart overflows with gratitude. Thank you for your physical help, emotional help and spiritual help. You have all held me up when I couldn't do it on my own and helped me to remember, we're not supposed to be independent of each other, we are supposed to be ready with our gifts, developing them and preparing them and looking for ways to share them with others. Allow help from time to time to come into your life, it humbles you and prepares you so much more to be ready to give it when the opportunity comes along.
Thank you everyone.

Being Prepared

"Wait, my beloved, I have more for you to take with you." Why is it I feel so anxious to "get on with things" and in my impatience, I don't look around me and realize what I need first. I am so glad for a loving, guiding "hand" that points to things I need, not allowing me to run blindly out the door but makes sure I am ready first. I have been so anxious to proceed to my beloved, I have focused on one aspect of our needs. Source, Universe, Love, however, has made sure we're really ready. When we become one, we will do so with a wholeness we wouldn't have otherwise known. I feel like we're on a crash course to a higher consciousness to prepare us. One day, I'm going to learn to trust the process without the panic/fear/alarm that I go through now. My end prize will be an inner peace that none can disturb, as soon as I can remember to Trust, Allow, Flow, and always know, In It, I Live and Move and Have My Being.

Stepping onto Bridges

The days are going by and the day I was dreading is nearly here. It is a step towards a new life but this step is onto a bridge, a bridge that I feel is over a deep ravine. I'm anxious to move forward but a bit scared to step onto this bridge. I'm sure that the fear is greater in my mind than needs to be but I am acknowledging that it is there. My friends, close ones and those who are becoming closer are surrounding me with love and care as I move forward. My beloved does the same for me from his distant land. To all those who read this, please, affirm with your thoughts (prayers) that this transition goes smoothly, that my strength is sustained and that my steps onto this bridge are confident and sure.... with gratitude I say "and so it is".

To Be

Too busy to blog!! Ever have those times when you're not sure what you're thinking of because you're thinking of too much at once? As I sat down and decided to get my thoughts out, I realize I'm in one of those places. I feel disorder in myself. I guess that means its time to get quiet, and allow Spirit to settle me down again. When I feel I don't know what to do, it is simply time to Be. I am, after all, human "be"ing, made by a divine "be"ing. So, tonight, on this cold night, I'm going to allow myself just to BE. Take care everyone, take care and be.

More Dreams and Realities..

It was another "wow" day. I feel so much more Centered than I had been feeling. I guess its a renewal of faith. I'd like to explain, but not detail it at the same time so lets try that for a challenge.
I don't believe in lack, I believe in abundance. I believe God, Good, Spirit, Source, .. whatever name you know that Highest Power by, intends for us to have all we need. However, we tend to put our "faith" in our jobs, our economy, our nation, our history, whatever.. instead of remembering the true Source. This has been my recent challenge. However, strange as it is, one day I am struggling with this concept, seeing limitations and lack, when I KNOW that I am filled and free, as my recent affirmation tells me. So, where do these Dreams and Realities come in?? Well, with the happening of two small insignificant things that someone else did, my ability to Dream.. to see a better Reality changed. Do I have more of something "tangible" right now? No.... am I "doing" anything differently... well, on the outside.. "no". Yet now, my view has changed, my ability to dream has improved.. and thus.. with the inside of me changed.. my vision cleared.. for me.. my reality is changed too. I feel a glow from the inside and it fills my world around me with a brighter light.
To the angel whose shoulders I rose to get above my limited vision... I thank you. To all the other angels who see for me, when I'm temporarily blinded.. my unending gratitude.

Dreams and Realities

Wow, what a day! Today, Tuesday, January 20th, 2009 is a day which will be a "foundation" day for many. A day that they will remember and turn to for belief in themselves, belief in a nation, belief in dreams. We all have received messages from other people that contained hurtful words for us. We've all been told at times that we have limitations, that we're unworthy, that we less than others. We've looked at ourselves as a nation before, seen injustice.. seen pain.. despair,.. seen waste and wondered if it really could be any different. We've also all had dreams, ideas in our heads that we wished could/would come true but then couldn't quite believe that they could become real.
Today, a dream has become real for all. Hurtful words that have been said for generations to people, just because they were born who they were now have been healed more. A nation who once believed that there was a right to own another's life, has let go of those ideas enough to show its faith in a person isn't limited by heritage, but the freedom is there for each to climb as high as their faith in themselves will take them. Reality is a dream, well, its closer now to the dream spoken of so beautifully over 40 years ago. Dreams, they are not fantasies that belong only in the realm of "make believe"... Dreams... they are tools to shape our lives into something we can and want to believe in!

Filled and Free

It is another new week!! Its new and if I'm in it, than in a sense, I'm new too!! What a wonderful thought, I'm new, if I'm new, then I'm free. I can make this week a new place to be, I can make it what I want it to be. Things and patterns that didn't serve me don't need to be brought with me here, its a new week... then again, each day, its a new day, a new chance.. and from that.. each moment is new.

Yesterday in church, I had an affirmation come to me, well, first I thought it was saying "I am unlimited".. but when I went to write it, it changed form to "I am filled and free!" I'm contemplating that today. What does that mean? To me, to be filled means to have what I need, there is no part of me that is empty, my cup runneth over. What wonderful Truth that is. Whatever I have need of, has been given to me. It makes it clear why sometimes I call the I AM.. Source. Yes, from this beautiful Abundance which flows freely, I have what I need. No wonder than that the second part of my affirmation is that I am free. What is it that stops us from being free? Its when we think we're not whole, not filled not complete, and we see lack and we then worry. Boy, talk about a prison!!! Worry.... worry.... some people speak of a fallen angel called Satan who has power. I'd call it a fallen thought, and its name is worry. How much does worry rob us??? It doesn't just stop us from our Divine Birthright of Joy, Peace, Happiness, Prosperity, worry literally kills us. But, worry is not Truth, as Truth always sets us free, we can deny it any power. It has none that we don't give it, so we, with our birthright of Divine Power starve it. We say, when we feel it gaining dominance in our mind... "We have all we need".. and if our minds fight us, we can literally command it to "DROP IT" The Truth is, we are FREE. Thus, my original affirmation is Truth as well. I am unlimited, I am not confined, for I am filled and free.

My First...

Well, its been a day of ups and downs. Wanted news arrived, and was better than expected... yet came with an unexpected "price" to it as well. That seemed to set the tone for the day, full of ups, and downs. It seems like the Universe sometimes is telling me to back off, I think of a line from old science fiction .. 'resistance is futile'. E Tolle is right, suffering comes when we resist what is, yet we do it all the time, and pay the price accordingly. Well, another day is winding down, which brings me another day closer to reuniting with him again.